This article records my life before 2024 in chronological order, reviewing about one-third of my life. There is no special reason for wanting to record, but I often think that if I don't do something or record something, I may forget what it was like when I look back.
My MBTI test result is INFJ-T (I took it twice, one month apart). I think it has a lot to do with my life experiences, and it's quite accurate. I want to write about it and compare my experiences.
I was born in 1999#
I was born in a rural area in Henan. My parents worked as employees in a small factory nearby, and our family was not wealthy. I have an older sister who is 5 years older than me. Last year, I had a chat with my sister and triggered a hidden event that I didn't know about. It should have happened when I was in elementary school. My mom suspected that my dad was molesting my sister, and they had a big fight and almost got divorced. In another similar incident, when my sister was young, she went to play at a neighbor's house in the village and was almost molested by their child. I didn't feel much at the time, but I realized it when I grew up, and then I told my sister.
Entered elementary school in 2006#
When I was in elementary school, I started going to school alone, and I envied others whose parents came to pick them up. The most memorable thing was being bullied at school. It started with a class bully who liked to pull down other students' pants and make fun of their underwear. Because I was introverted, I was one of the victims. Maybe I was pulled down too many times that day, so I kicked the bully hard after class. As a result, the bully organized all the boys in the class to follow me on my way home from school and beat me all the way from school to home. Some people tried to stop them along the way, but they continued chasing after they left. Finally, when we arrived home, my dad drove them away. After we got home, my dad didn't say much, but my mom's first reaction was not to comfort me, but to ask me, "Why did they beat only you and not others? You must have provoked them!" These words were like a bolt from the blue for me, and I gradually stopped communicating with my family.
Entered middle school in 2012#
At that time, the atmosphere was similar to elementary school. There were also bullies who extorted money or picked fights after school. I would hide and avoid them, probably because of the bullying I experienced in elementary school. I would avoid troublemakers and stay away from them. In the first year of middle school, I became good friends with a girl in my class. We sat next to each other for three seat changes in one semester, but I never dared to confess my feelings to her, which is a regret in my life. It was because sometimes she would hang out with those bullies, so I became timid.
As for studying, I was only good at math, and I didn't pay attention or want to listen to other subjects. It seemed that I started to rebel at that time because the math teacher was good, but the other teachers criticized my grades or even attacked my personality, so I stopped listening. I also got addicted to a game called "DNF" and skipped classes. I would go to the night market every week, etc. At that time, I always wanted to have a computer, but my family's financial situation was not good, so they kept educating me to study hard. I used to think, why can't my parents be like other families and not just focus on academic performance? After that, my relationship with my parents became more and more intense. I often skipped classes and argued with my parents, and they would physically punish me. The most memorable incident was when I had an argument with my mom and felt the urge to commit suicide. In a fit of anger, I put all the medicine in the house together and tried to overdose (I didn't know if it would work or not), and I sent a farewell message to my friend. He may have contacted the school, and the school contacted my family and called 120 to have my stomach pumped at the hospital. I have a vague memory of that period, but I remember one time when my dad hit me, I couldn't bear it and fought back. I grabbed my dad by the collar, and it seemed like my dad couldn't fight back anymore. I said, "If you stop hitting me, I'll let go." In the end, my dad compromised and stopped hitting me. When this incident reached my relatives, I became an unfilial child who dared to hit my own father!
There were many things that happened in middle school, but with the pleading and bribery of my parents to the school and teachers, I managed to graduate from middle school.
Entered militarized vocational school in 2015#
My grades in middle school were not good, so I could only go to a vocational school. The special feature of the militarized vocational school is strict discipline, but not to the extent of Yang Yongxin's electric shock therapy. We wore military uniforms almost every day, had morning and noon assemblies, and did morning exercises at 5:50. Sometimes we had military training in the evening, and there was occasional military training during the day as well. The school's system prioritized training courses over academic courses, so we often played games (like "QQ Dazzling Dance") during class or breaks. At that time, I was obsessed with this game and played it before class, during meals, and before sleeping.
There were more boys than girls in the school, and in my sophomore year, I met a girl and we quickly started dating. However, due to my lack of dating experience and the fact that she was involved with the school bullies, we broke up quickly, which created a psychological shadow for me regarding girls. After that, I became determined to study hard. The school's team was recruiting at that time, and being part of the school team meant representing the school in city, provincial, or even national competitions. Since there was no need to attend classes or training, I wanted to join. However, a young male teacher didn't want me to join because I didn't study well in class, and he believed it would be the same in the school team. On the other hand, a female teacher held the opposite view and wanted me to give it a try. In the end, I joined the school team. This event had a great impact on me, and I am very grateful to that female teacher.
After joining the school team, we won first prize in the Zhengzhou City competition, and then we won first prize in the Henan Province competition. (Participating in the provincial competition required winning first prize in the city competition, participating in the national competition required winning first prize in the provincial competition, and participating in the world competition required winning first prize in the national competition. It felt like something out of Dragon Ball, constantly getting stronger and facing challenges.) We were supposed to participate in the national competition, but for some reason, it was canceled that year. Another thing is that these competitions enriched my worldview. These so-called competitions were mainly for teachers to enhance their teaching qualifications. After winning awards, the names of the supervising teachers on the certificates were not the actual supervising teachers but the names of the academic affairs director. There was also the issue of home-field advantage. Students from the host school would also participate in the competition and knew the answers in advance. This was something everyone knew at the time, and the results of the competition confirmed it. When I was queuing to get my number for the provincial competition, I happened to be behind students from the host school who were discussing how many answers they had memorized.
Since I could enter college without an entrance exam based on winning first prize in the provincial competition, I applied to a college. It seemed that winning first prize in the national competition could exempt me from the college entrance exam.
Started college in 2018#
Because I was exempt from the entrance exam, I chose a college with a nice-sounding name, Kaifeng University. At first glance, it seemed like a university, but it was actually a vocational college. I chose the English major. Being in college didn't have much impact on me. I lived like a normal college student, attending classes and going out to have fun. I didn't think too much about what to do after graduation.
The biggest impact was the outbreak of the pandemic at the end of 2019. After that, there were countless natural and man-made disasters, and the information environment gradually shrank. I gradually developed the idea of leaving this country because I could bypass the Great Firewall and see a lot of information. Finally, I decided to go to Japan. The biggest problem at that time was money, so I worked in a film and television studio. It wasn't easy to save money, and the salary was not high. Later, I was recommended by a friend to "make money" on Bilibili (a Chinese video-sharing platform). It was actually a reward program launched by Bilibili with high prize pools. As long as you uploaded videos, you would receive rewards. If you had more accounts, the income would be considerable. I teamed up with a college classmate and made a lot of money in the first year. However, as Bilibili started to crack down on low-quality videos, we stopped doing it. I started preparing for studying abroad in Japan.
Started language school life upon entering Japan in 2022#
Originally, I planned to come to Japan as soon as I graduated in 2021, but due to Japanese government policies, I had to delay it until April 2022. I considered whether to pursue further education or work during my language school studies. In the end, I decided that if I failed to get into a higher education institution, I would work.
Life at the language school was a bit tough. I managed financially by working part-time and using the money I had saved. My parents supported my decision to study abroad, but they couldn't provide much financial support, only a few thousand yuan. The students at the school came from various regions in China and different age groups, so conflicts, arguments, and rivalries were common. Some extreme students came to Japan with the intention of making quick money by selling fake documents or drugs. One person was caught by the Japanese police while trying to sell 1 kilogram of drugs and was detained for several months before being released on bail and returning to China. Another girl who came to study abroad spent a lot of money every week on shopping and luxury goods, spending nearly 1 million RMB in a year. She came from a wealthy family in China and had a background in golf. It really made me realize the huge difference between people.
Of course, there were also good people. During my time at the language school, a Japanese teacher was dismissed for helping students too much. The language school was owned by Chinese people, and if you wanted to transfer to another school or change your visa status, you had to pay a penalty of three months' tuition in advance. The Japanese teacher went to the school to argue with the school's teachers about this issue and got dismissed. Although he was dismissed, he still helped other Chinese students write application letters, act as emergency contacts, and assist with moving.
In 2023, I started preparing to apply to Japanese universities. I didn't want to repeat my undergraduate studies or pursue a specialized degree, so I could only apply to graduate schools. Moreover, there are not many graduate students in Japan, so after gathering information from various sources, I chose the computer science program at Tokyo Institute of Technology. This program focuses on AI, and the name sounded good, similar to the prestigious Tokyo Institute of Technology in the field of science and engineering. I thought the probability of getting in was not high, but unexpectedly, I was accepted. In Japan, you can't directly go from a bachelor's degree to a master's degree. There is a qualification review before applying, and you can only continue applying if you pass the review. I consulted the research plan with a professor in the lab, and I asked him a fatal question: I'm not good at math. He told me that as long as I study math well for the thesis, it will be fine.
Started graduate school life in April 2024#
As of now, the timeline of this article, as a non-science major, I chose a science major, which doubled the difficulty. My logic for choosing a science major was that I felt that liberal arts graduate students were just passing time, and AI is developing rapidly now, so I can ask AI for basic knowledge and difficult questions. The next plan is to find a job in Japan in two years, and the recent opening ceremony made me realize that time is passing quickly, and it feels like the countdown has begun.
I chose the topic of my thesis to be about geolocation and pilgrimage route recommendations for anime photos. AI's image recognition capabilities are strong now, and there are many related papers on this topic. It shouldn't be too difficult to learn, except for the math part. I plan to share some ideas and content related to this topic in the future.